Membership has its Privilege

OK, I don't know exactly where to start this one, but it's one of two blogs I promised to write a couple weeks ago.

First, and this may come as a shock, but I am biologically male. I'm genderfluid / femme and do not claim anything in particular from my biology. Most days, I'm generally disdainful of the male gender.

Second, I identify as white (though my mom is 100% Latinx by way of El Salvador), not because of any discomfort at being half-Latinx, but because, aside from my long, black, wavy hair I am nearly as white as it gets.

Thirdly, I identify as Catholic, though I'm a pretty terrible Catholic and do not agree with a lot of the structure of the Church. I like Pope Francis (a LOT) but I don't see him as more than a moral leader and focus of the Church's actions on Earth. God and his Son and the Holy Spirit. That's it for me (yes, I was Southern Baptist for many years).

Fourthly, I'm college-educated, with a Bachelor's and some OTJ training in computer software. Over 6 years as a Java Enterprise developer. Over two decades of professional, career-oriented work in the field I studied.

Finally, I'm married to a beautiful woman (22 years in November) and we have 3 kids: The layabout shiftless one, the much-put-upon middle child and the Princess of All Worlds.

Why am I putting this out there? Because I have a really terrible frame of reference for understanding the effect of privilege. White Privilege, Male Privilege, etc. It was an issue before Trump, but just got worse after, and especially lately. My social feed is awash in stories of how people of privilege don't understand what's happening to PoC, religious "minorities" and others who aren't (in general) white, cishet males.

Story after personal story has broken about how someone abused their privilege to hurt someone, and so many others pipe up denying the effects, blaming the victim, gaslighting, or flat-out dismissing them because they AREN'T in the club.

I have an embarrassment of riches in the privilege department, yet, I don't think I've ever tried to put myself over anyone. In fact, I'm much more the peacemaker and team-supporter (not leader). This has been true since I was young, it was true when Aerin-the-identity began to take shape 30 years ago, and it's core to my beliefs now.

Of great help to me in NOT abusing privilege is the fact that my parents (mix of HS/college/trades educated, married for over 45 years, etc.) never once led me to THINK we were at all superior. I don't feel we were made to ever feel bad about our lot - in fact, as kids, we did a lot of grocery shopping at dollar/thrift type stores and made do with less. They taught us love and respect and humility without ever blending shame into it.

Sure, there were times in middle school where I was acutely aware my clothes, electronics, etc. were second-tier, but I don't think I ever resented those "with". I just hated those who made me feel bad because I was "without". Yes, I got emotionally bullied a lot. But then, if you ever meet me, and get me to tell you stories of my early teens, you'd see I was a bit of a weirdo. Still am in fact!

I really think I got where I am - both in life attitude and ignorance of hate - because Love was central to our family life. My parents have never been shy about their love. They were never shy about loving me or my sister. My dad STILL often hugs me when we get together. And Love is so central to my way of approaching life.

Hate is not a foreign concept to me, but I just don't traffic in it enough to comprehend the hate for "otherness" that's plaguing us nationally. When I was 14? 15? I made a conscious decision to not let hate fester in my heart and it's been one of the best things I ever did.

'Course, it leaves me scratching my head almost nightly at some of the absurd things I've been seeing. Women as property or beholden to men's "needs". Judeo-Christian (or maybe even Christian only) faith or get out. Not born here? From the "wrong" country? Turn around. Gays/Transgender need not apply - you don't count.

Odds are T will not win the White House on November 8th. But he has a crapton of supporters invoking his name and lately, the ideals of the KKK, National Socialists / anti-Semites, and worse. Here in America, for the love of God. Where will all their hate go on November 9th? I pray it won't turn into a backlash against everyone they dislike...

I'd much rather love all and serve all.