Shattered Pearls

(I'm posting this today due to recent events. But eventually I'll move this post to its proper date.)

July 22 - 23, 2008

Wow… In less than 24 hours my (Vana) world was turned upside down. The summary:

Tuesday I had promised Aleu COR quest help. We set out around 12, and after much boat riding and waiting for boats, she, I, and two friends from her sis’ shell set out. The borrowed muscles belonged to Caldor and Demolisher. They met us after I was fixing Aleu up post-wipe. Big octopus…so many arms…/shudder

We slogged our way through the Mire since Aleu hasn’t had any chance to unlock portals yet (her first visit was that afternoon). For some reason, Cal and Demo opted to fight rather than grab the free key. Long story short, after making it to Arrapago and trying to farm for a bit, Caldor disappears. Aleu and I joke that he’s gone for the freebie, and sure enough, he comes back a few minutes later with key in hand.

On the boat with the first of the two COR ??? spots, Aleu clicks for her cutscene. I somehow get aggroed by a Merrow Enchantress and die trying to sleep it. I asked the rest of the party if they went for a nap. No, it turns out all three of them were flagging COR. I was the only one stupid enough not to do so. /sigh I apologized for my rudeness and waited for them to finish.

It took major work and TWO MORE deaths on my part, plus Demo’s demise once, but we finally cleared the way. By now it was after 2am and I really had to go. The three of them carried on after I bade them luck.

Deaths: Aerin x4, Aleu x1, Demo x1

A couple of times Aleu started to say something about Fhox and Archer. Apparently something was going on with Fhox and Isa that irritated Arch but she seemed to think he had calmed down. Apparently he threatened to leave RDB! She said something about RDB getting to be like high school. I commented that whatever it was, people deserved happiness and that I hope it worked out.

I shut down and the PS3 locked up. I couldn’t get any kind of response so I did the hold-power-for-8-seconds trick and went to bed. When I woke up, Matt, Cole and Bran were up and Matt reported the PS3 wasn’t working. I tried some troubleshooting but couldn’t get it to stay on. Eventually it stopped booting at all.

All day at work Wednesday I was bummed. Partly because I can’t afford to replace TheAlmighty, and partly because I’d miss yet another static. And this one I had clearance from Ape to be on! ^^

When I got home at about 7, I launched right into hardcore troubleshooting mode. It booted right up the first time. WTH? I left it on Bladestorm’s menu and ate dinner with Ape in our room and watched Raymond. When I came back out some 30 minutes later, I found a frozen screen.

Further attempts to boot up would result in an XMB then a freeze, garbled images, or no boot. I tried yanking the drive wondering if some corruption was interfering with boot-up. But it wouldn’t do squat. I believe the PS3’s OS is completely in memory so drive or no drive it should boot, but no luck. Damn!

Then Matt tells me it had booted in the morning but had frozen in mid-game (Lego Star Wars of course). Hmmm… That seems more and more like a heating or power problem. I started wondering if the fall the PS3 took in early June could have dorked up the heatsinks. I Googled a PS3 disassembly tutorial (www.llamma.com/PS3/repair/PS3_disassembly_tutorial.htm; use the Google cache) and set to work.

An hour later I have a pretty gutted system. Nothing’s broken and I can’t tell if the sinks had come loose but the paste looked shot to hell. I scraped up some leftovers surrounding the two chips, heated it, then spread it as evenly as I could. I don’t think I had it soft enough but whatever. I was desperate.

It took only 30 minutes or so for reassembly and I opted to leave the case off (note, the memcard panel needs to be unscrewed and clicked into the holder in the top shell before fitting or removing the shell). It booted fine and the drive was OK. I tried a backup just to see how much space I’d need. 37 gigs – time to buy that external drive I think!

By now it was after 11 and I knew I’d missed the static. I never got a reply from Fhox to the FL+ message I sent about my hardware problem. Before logging all the way in I did the Ctrl-Alt-Shift + B sequence to back up my macro book to POL. And I did get in, so 6/6 since the last fix – yay!

And then… And then…

I see that there are few Brigaders on and the static isn’t ongoing. Fhox said the group only managed one level and people had to go because they were tired. Since I was trying to finish up a game of My Word! with the fam, I told the group I’d be AFK for a bit. I was planning on some farming and ninja scroll speculating.

On my way to the bathroom, I see some PMs. It doesn’t take long for some random LS chatter from Enzio, and back-to-back PMs from Aleu and Fhox for me to find out what had been going on earlier.

It seems Archer led a defection from RDB to his own shell and Fhox had only found out about it because he found some Brigaders wearing another pearl and in invisible status. The reason for the defection was never spelled out but I was led to believe it had to do with Fhox devoting too much time on Isa and not the others.

I don’t have a full list but it looks like Archer, Yalto, Aleu, Enzio, Alima and perhaps a couple others have chosen to break off.

In shell, Fhox was saying he supports people growing beyond RDB but that he wishes he’d found out differently. Privately he’s saying I can do what I feel I need to but that I’ve been a loyal Brigader and he appreciates that.

When Aleu told me about the split and invited me over, I actually sent her a /cry. I almost shed tears in real life too. In 18 months of FFXI I have strived never to be in this position. I avoid endgame for many reasons, but personal drama is one of them. I told both camps I would think about it and that I needed time to myself.

I did tell Fhox that he was like my adventuring brother in Vana’diel and that I was proud to be his WHM Amateur. I also said I was OK with other people leaving because those people came in and faded out in a natural manner. This new thing is too much like a coup d’etat for my tastes.

I told Aleu I sincerely appreciated their offer and that I’d consider it. She understood that I had been close to Fhox and supported my choice either way.

And in the middle of all this, I got a blind tell from Aegis, formatted in RP language (Hail, Adventurer!) asking for PLD unlock help in Davoi. I told both camps I was going to help Aegis as a way of clearing my mind.

Aegis met me in Konschaht and I teleported us to Holla. On birdback, we reached Davoi quickly via Jugner Forest. He seemed really impressed with the new scenery (as a WAR36 he may not have been to many zones) and I joked it creeped me out, what with the obscuring trees and dark atmosphere. He said he’d protect me lol-ing about his level being half mine.

The Davoi run went smoothly until I took us to the southwest camp of high-end orcs where Fhox, Archer and I had had so much trouble some weeks ago. I forgot the proper route to the Disused Well for his PLD key item and I died. I was able to reraise and he somehow survived but then I died again without RR. Then he died while I returned from HPing. Then we both died as we entered the stream. I pulled aggro from a Dreadnought even though I had Sneak up (I thought). We ran for it and then we wiped very close to the well.

I reraised again, tractored him to the well’s little canyon pass, and raised him. He got his key item and I teleported us to Holla again so he could close out the quest in Sandy. He was very appreciative for the help and tried to give me all sorts of things. I politely declined asking only that he be the best Paladin he can be and keep his parties going.

Deaths: Aerin x3, Aegis x2 (total XP loss for both nights = 6k +)

By now, of course, it was later than it was supposed to be. I went to bed but sleep would be hard to find. This Brigader business was still weighing heavily on my mind.

I still don’t know what I’m going to do. I know I want to ask both Fhox and Archer, separately of course, what their take is. I really want to know why Arch felt he needed to lead a revolution instead of asking Fhox to refocus his attention.

I also want to know what kind of shell Arch plans to run, assuming he is in fact its leader.

And unless I learn something earth-shaking, I know I need to find a way to stay connected to both groups. I don’t think I can leave Fhox, period. I’ve often thought about what I’d do if something happened to RDB, but those analyses always assumed it was Fhox leaving FFXI, dissolving the shell or appointing a new leader.

I never once thought I’d be pitted friend against friend. I know *they* aren’t doing it – it’s me. I don’t think I can split my time between two full-time socials, and I don’t want to leave Fhox. I had thought I might do some kind of schedule where Fhox gets me most of the time and I hang out with the others on certain days.

Another big problem for me is that I see myself as a bit of an empath – I pick up on others’ emotions and they can affect me intensely. Even if they aren’t present physically, my awareness of people having emotional stress will get to me. It’s why listening is one of my strong skills and why I don’t surround myself with people. I get an influx of emotion just from my families here.

If I get caught up in Brigader issues it will just add to the pain of this split. I wonder what Kitty would say…

No matter what happens, I must make sure neither side sees me as any kind of disruptive agent for the other. I want to be friends with all of these people, dammit!

Oh, one more lol – before asking Fhox for personal space, I joked about how on earth I’d blog about this. He laughed then suggested “Wayward Sons” as a title. That was actually quite good! Also blog-related, I mentioned my blog to Aleu during Tuesday’s COR fun but she didn’t comment.